Satya Lila

How to Talk to a Partner About Doing Work Together

In the work that I do, helping people experience a more blissful relationship, I often find that one partner is more interested than the other in doing work with me.

I recently had a conversation with a woman who wanted to work with me along with her husband, but she thought he would be resistant to doing it. She said that maybe she would tell him that it was this or a divorce. While that might get his attention, I’m not sure that it would create an authentic motivation on his part. And it’s likely that a harsh approach will create resistance rather than an opening for transformation.

This poem might give some inspiration for another way of handling it.

The Prettiest Mule

Sometimes a mule does not know
What is best for itself.

When the mind is confused like that
It secretly desires a master
With a skilled whip

To guide it to those playgrounds
On the earth’s table
Where the Sweet One’s light has
Made life more tasty.

Hafiz always carries such a whip
But I rarely need to use it.

I prefer just turning myself into
The prettiest mule
In town

And making my tail sing
Knowing your heart will then
Follow.

Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky

Like my Southern Granny used to say: “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

So here are some guidelines for how to talk to a partner who is reluctant to do work on your sexual relationship:

Don’t make them wrong. This can create lasting damage to their sense of being a good lover. When someone is insecure, they will be tentative in their approach to you and probably more in their head than in their body. Not a good way to be when you’re making love.
Tell them what you are longing for, in positive terms. Tell them why you are longing for it. For example, “I remember how we used to be so passionate, and I really would love to share that beautiful energy with you again. It gives me so much life and energy for the rest of my life, and everything flows so easily when I’m filled up like that.”
Mention what they will get from doing it. For example, “I think that you would enjoy a more passionate relationship too. When we are having good lovemaking, we have such a joyful connection. Everything flows more smoothly. I don’t get so irritable over the dishes in the sink when we’ve just made love.”
Many people think that the ability to be a good lover should just come naturally, and that they are a failure if they need to seek help. Reassure them that it’s not a failure. There is a cultural assumption that a good lover should know without being told what their partner likes. But hardly anyone is ever taught how to do it!
Reassure them that your chosen practitioner (that would be me, I hope!) will hold a space of no judgment. I am so comfortable with talking about sexuality that the ease I feel spills over to you and pretty soon you’re talking in ways you never dreamed you could, with more comfort than you could imagine. It’s very liberating!

If I can be of service to you in helping you to create a sexual renaissance in your relationship, or for yourself (because it all starts there anyway), I’d like to offer you a next step: a free Sexual Communion Gateway Session. In this 30-60 minute phone call, I will help you get clear where you are in this area, what your challenges are, and give you my best recommendations on how to deal with these challenges. And if it seems like I could help you further, I might recommend that we do further work together. But there are no strings attached, just a whole-hearted desire to be of service to you.

To schedule this session, click here.

I’d love to help you find your sexual communion!

Tenth Anniversary with John

John and I recently celebrated our 10th anniversary of being together. I made him a book of photos and writings highlighting fun times we’ve shared over these years. This is its cover page. It was so lovely to look back on these ten years as I made the book. We have really built a powerful love.

While talking with a friend about this anniversary, she asked me what I was most proud of in how I’ve been in this relationship. After a moment of reflection, I realized that I am really proud of how conscious we both stay in relating to each other. We are rarely reactive to each other, and because we have both been consistently kind to each other, there is no automatic defensiveness that rears its ugly head.

One of our commitments is to remember in times of upset that we are allies, and to take personal responsibility for our own issues. Not easy to do at first, but it really has smoothed the way in being together.

Here’s an example. The most common place that we irritate each other is a place where each of our personal issues converge. John dislikes being told what to do. Freedom is really important to him. I have a tendency to tell people what to do a lot. (I was the oldest sibling in my family and I’m a natural leader. Or, as my sister puts it, I’m bossy!) These issues can set off upsets and contractions between us.

But we’ve been there before. Over the years it’s come up several times. Each time, we’ve both stayed calm and trusted that the love is more powerful than the issue. Neither of us has attacked the other over hurt feelings, rather we just expressed how we felt kindly. And we’ve listened to each other. Because of this, we can move through a little upset in a matter of minutes.

It happened just a little while ago. We were cooking dinner together. John was at the stove. I was about to make a salad, but next to the sink John had left a big pile of radishes from the garden still with their greens attached. So no space to wash lettuce. I asked him what he wanted to do with the radishes, intending to move them somewhere else myself since he was busy, but he thought I was pressuring him to do something with them right then. His reply was a little snappy, and my belly contracted. I could have snapped back, but I didn’t. I waited a moment, then told him that I wasn’t trying to control him, rather trying to help him. He took that in, and a moment later came over and kissed me on the head. He was able to just drop it and get back to the love.

It’s a small example, but the small stuff adds up. It’s how we treat each other moment to moment, day after day, that makes a relationship really harmonious. Consistency builds trust.

Wishing you lots of sweet loving!

Third-Purpose Relationship

My third eye is shining!

This pic is from an afternoon John and I spent together recently. We had just been in a deep meditation, together connecting with the geometries of light that surround our bodies and are the gateway to the ultimate oneness of love and light. This was while taking a walk afterward. (Always good to ground yourself after an experience like this!)

My teacher Sohra says that there are three possible purposes that characterize a relationship. First-purpose is pleasure. This is something like a hook-up or friends with benefits. Mutual pleasure is the goal, and no further involvement is necessary.

The second-purpose relationship is about bonding. It could be a deep heart connection between the two of you. It could be about raising a family.

Third-purpose relationships are based upon a shared path of spiritual evolution. Sexual union is used for creating energetic experiences that further your spiritual development, and you walk the spiritual path together. John and I have a third purpose relationship. We are both deeply committed to our spiritual growth and development, and we are committed to doing it together.

We do regular weekly connection ceremonies, which usually consist of a series of activities. First, some kind of movement or stretching to unwind the body and make it open and available for energy to move through. Next, a joint meditation where we connect with each other and practice various things that move us closer to the light. Then a grounding walk around our land, to integrate the experience of that meditation into the body, and to connect with Mother Earth. Often when we return from the walk we get into wonderful lovemaking. Then after a sweet quiet time holding each other, we go to make dinner together, which is another way of loving for us.

Our lovemaking is often wild and energetic, raising the energy and circulating it through our bodies. This is sometimes quite visionary for me. I see our bodies overlaid with geometrical patterns which seem to me to be patterns of the universe that we are conforming to. I experience us as much bigger than our bodies, connected with All-That-Is.

It’s been my experience in this relationship with John that by choosing third-purpose, we didn’t say no to the other two purposes. We still have the pleasure of the first purpose, and the bonding of the second. But the real juice is in the third purpose.

I love having it all!

Perhaps these words are resonating with you. Perhaps you want this for yourself. I do hope to inspire you to know how much bliss is possible — and how much growth! If you feel yourself called to a third-purpose relationship, I’d love to guide and support you. Let me offer you a complimentary Sexual Communion Gateway session to take the first step. Click the link to find out more and to book your appointment.

In love and light,
Satya

Deep Healing

I had a dream recently that moved me a lot when I remembered it upon awakening. In it, I encountered a young boy, about 8 years old. Somehow I knew that he was a younger version of one of my clients. I’ve done a few sessions with him and his wife, teaching them some techniques of sacred sexuality. He mentioned that he was abused as a child, but we haven’t gotten into that deep work as of yet.

In the dream, he was skinny, naked and vulnerable. I came up to him and gave him a hug. I told him that I would help him heal his wounds. I felt a confidence that I could help him, and a deep love and compassion for him.

There have been so many people like this over the 30 years I have been seeing clients. Those with major wounding, who need support in becoming whole. It’s one of my gifts, that I can help people do that deep work, to remember that they are safe, they are worthy, and they are beautiful.

In this time of winter closing in and darkness increasing, it’s a wonderful time to go within, to do the work that you may have been putting off. I like the dark time. It’s really good for introspection and stillness, for looking deeply within.

Is now the time for you? If so, I would be honored to support you. My schedule is getting pretty full, but I do have room for one or two more clients. If this calls to you, then I invite you to do a free Discovery Session with me by telephone. Click the link in the comments to make your appointment.

My love to you!

It Hasn’t Always Been Easy

If you’ve been seeing my posts then you know that I’m crazy in love with my partner John. And even though we are blissfully happy with each other, and even though I’ve taught sacred sexuality for 30 years, with around 15,000 client sessions, it hasn’t always been easy.

There was a time a few years ago when things just weren’t working for us sexually. Due to my spiritual openings, and probably also to my changing hormones, I had gotten extremely sensitive, and the ways that we had connected before were not the ways that worked for me anymore. I didn’t know what I needed, and he was at a loss with how to approach me. To make it worse, I didn’t handle the communication very well. I was impatient and not as loving as I could have been.

One day, I woke up. We had just gone through the same scenario once more. He had reached out to me and I felt irritated and invaded. I had shut down and pulled away from him. I remember this moment so clearly. He was sitting on the side of the bed, slumped down in despair. His face was downcast, and I could see his suffering.

My heart broke. Here was this gorgeous man who I loved dearly, who loved me. We had enjoyed a beautiful sexual connection in the first few years we were together. It was important to both of us to express our love sexually. I ached with sadness at where we were.

And I resolved right then to do what it took to get back to the joyous expression of lovemaking that we had enjoyed with each other.

Since I had such a background in teaching sacred sexuality, I started with what I already knew. I had many tools for communicating what I liked and what I wanted to be different. I started using them again. Duh!

But I had to go deeper than that. I had to learn what was right for me now. It took a lot of exploration, and a lot of dedication on both John’s and my part to learn how to work with how I was now — a highly sensitive woman.

I am forever grateful to John for his patience and understanding, and his ability to set aside his ego and listen to what I want in an attitude of joint exploration as allies.

I’m happy to say that we came through that time and things are better than ever! We have regular connection ceremonies, where we set aside a day to be together intimately. We may dance, or do massage, or make love, or all of that. Sex has become better than it ever has been!

I learned so much! The special needs of a sensitive woman took some experimentation and observation. But we did it, and I’ve been able to help others with what I’ve learned. It’s been so gratifying to hear clients say things like, “Oh my god! She rocked my world!”

The positive side to being a sensitive woman is that when things align, it takes me to amazing places. I float in a gentle ocean of light and love and ecstasy. And when I go there, so does John.

So this is why I do the work I do. Because I know first-hand how painful it can be to not be connecting with your partner. I know how your mind has a hard time focusing upon other things when the connection has interference in it. I know how your energy can feel flattened, and it’s hard to have enthusiasm for anything.

It doesn’t have to be this way. I can help you through a place like this. You can go from feeling hopeless and disconnected to having your heart sing with joy because of the great loving you’ve enjoyed with your partner. Your relationship can be a source of energy that spills out to all other areas of your life. I’ve seen many couples do this, and you can too.

If you’d like more support in creating a vibrant connection with your partner, allow me to gift you with a free Sexual Communion Gateway Session. In this 30-60 minute phone call, I will help you get clear about what your challenges are when it comes to your romantic/sexual relationship, and help you create a vision of what you want instead. Then I’ll give you some solid recommendations that you can begin using right away. There’s no pressure and no strings attached. This is to be in service to you.

I’ve opened up my schedule for three free sessions before August 15. Click here to claim your session.

And if you know of any couples who might benefit from this, please share this with them.

Here’s wishing you luscious loving!

What If It Could Be Fun?

What if it could be fun?

Luscious Loving doesn’t have to be a lot of work. In fact, it’s better if it’s fun. Things flow more easily, and we’re way more motivated by fun than by doing “work”.

This is a message I got from someone who attended my last Luscious Loving intro evening with her partner.

“X said he had so much fun in our 2 hour class. That’s what its all about — fun, connecting. You have a way of bringing lightness and joy into the exercises.”

Want to have some fun with your partner? The next Luscious Loving intro is next Monday, June 19, and it’s free!

For more info, click here.

You can have Luscious Loving!

Sex Is More Than Physical

Video by Jay Matthews

Sex is so much more than physical!

And it’s a good thing that it is! If it was nothing more than rubbing body parts together, it would get boring pretty quickly. There are only so many ways that you can make it different — different positions, different partners. It still becomes limited.

But when you are aware of the energy flowing through your body and your partner’s, a whole new world opens up. Infinitely fascinating, an endlessly flowing river of energy is always there for you to join with. The river takes you for a dreamy, exhilarating ride of pleasure into bliss.

When you share this with a partner, life is so sweet. It’s easy to smile at each other and to sparkle your eyes flirtatiously. Lovemaking is truly making love — it makes it grow.

My upcoming online couple’s group, Luscious Loving, is about just this: how to feel and connect with this energy so that your loving with your partner indeed becomes luscious.

Join me, assisted by my partner John Thompson, for a free intro evening June 19. Group begins June 26. Click here to register, or for more info.

You can have Luscious Loving!

Every Couple Has the Potential

Every couple has the potential to have a relationship that brings them joy. A relationship where both partners nurture and value their connection. Intimacy, both emotional and physical, is actively sought.

I’ve worked with couples with all kinds of stumbling blocks that seem to prevent them from being able to have this for themselves:

A couple who had experienced the betrayal of an affair ten years earlier. They had never fully healed from it. The deep work we did opened up a new level of understanding and forgiveness. This led to a new way of relating which was much more affectionate and playful.
A couple who had backed off from sexual activity because of physical problems, but were still very much in love, found ways to run their sexual energy that accommodated their body issues and was still delicious and satisfying.
A couple who loved each other but had grown distant in touch and physical connection opened up to simply holding each other again. They were very happy with the expression of tenderness that nourished them, and they are still evolving into more and more closeness.

If these couples can do it, you can too!

Living life without the connection, pleasure and fun that Luscious Loving can bring you is not necessary! You can have so much more — a relationship that makes you sing with joy!

You can have Luscious Loving!

My online couples group, Luscious Loving starts June 26, 2023.

There is a free intro evening on June 19 which will be easy, fun and playful. To register, or for more info, click here.

I hope to see you there!

Lovemaking as an Art Form

Lovemaking, when it’s done consciously, is an exquisite art form. The endless variation in the play of light and firm, slow and fast, stillness and wildness makes each time you connect with your beloved special and different.

How do you learn this art? If we lived in a different world, a different time, one where sexuality is honored as sacred, we would be taught in the intricacies of delight. We would have an initiation that introduced us to the joys of sexual ecstasy.

But, alas, we are not in those times. We learn on the fly, fumbling our way through innocent ignorance. I remember my first time. My boyfriend and I were both virgins. We didn’t know what we were doing. It was a quick and fumbling experience, which barely touched my energies of pleasure. When it was over, I wasn’t even sure what had happened.

I’ve learned a lot since then! I’ve devoted my life to it. I have treated lovemaking as an art form, and tried to perfect my art for years. I still am. It’s a lifetime journey for me. And I’ve delighted in sharing what I’ve learned for many years, with many people.

Would you like to learn more about the art of lovemaking? How to make your partner shiver in delight? How to manage your own energies so you can go to higher levels of pleasure than you ever thought possible?

That’s what I’m teaching in my online couple’s group, Luscious Loving.

In this 3-month journey, you will learn the art of lovemaking — new ways of relating energetically and physically that will lead you to rapture and dissolving into bliss.

Join me (assisted by my beloved partner John Thompson) for a free intro evening on June 19. The group begins June 26. For more info or to register, click here.

You can have Luscious Loving!

When the Magic Doesn’t Work

Generally, the connection between my beloved partner John and me flows easily and smoothly. I feel gratitude for the work that we’ve both done to be able to get to this place. But that doesn’t mean it always is easy.

Just a little while ago, we were in one of our regular connection ceremonies. These are times that we dedicate towards intimacy, in whatever form it takes. We set aside time at least once a week to have deep connection with each other.

We were in a magical moment. He was slowly sliding the waistband of my leggings down over my hip, as I lay on my side, and kissing the bare skin exposed next to the clothing. I was rapt in my attention to the boundary between the two states – clothed and naked. The place that he was kissing had all my attention.

Then there was a glitch. I rolled over to give him my other hip, and I didn’t communicate clearly. I said, “Take my leggings down,” while still wanting more of what he was doing, but he got the message to just slide them down quickly. I fell off the flow of energy that I was following.

There was a time when that moment would have made everything grind to a crashing halt. I would have gotten closed down, trying to grasp onto what was happening before and recreate it, feeling like I should be still turned on and available. And I can tell you from experience, feeling like that is not an aphrodisiac! And John might have felt confused and criticized.

But we didn’t go there. I just explained what happened, without any judgement towards him, or any charge that it had happened. It was just an event, not good, not bad. He heard it with no defensiveness, and understood what happened. Then we just went back into the flow, being with what was there authentically in that moment.

We had a lovely, powerful, sweet connection. And we learned a bit more about each other in the process.

We were able to do this because of the trust we’ve built. Years of kind communication, without blaming or shaming, has created a foundation that allows for easy recovery from the little glitches that inevitably happen in a relationship.

Yes, it can be easy! You can create this for yourself, even if you haven’t been this way all along. You can make a new beginning, and have a relationship that flows with fun.