Letting Emotions Flow

Today is the new moon in Cancer. How does Cancer energy enhance a relationship?

Cancer is a water sign, ruled by the moon. It is all about emotions — the most emotional sign of the zodiac. Emotions are hugely important in an intimate connection. When you share your emotions, you open the door to your heart and soul. Often the body follows that opening with its own opening.

Some self-disclosure here — I have five planets in Cancer. It’s a concentration of attention in the area of emotions. I even taught Japanese people how to express their emotions, in visits to Tokyo over the course of ten years. I can be very emotional at times, and I thrive in that arena. So I’m something of an expert on Cancer.

Here’s how Cancer showed up for me recently. My partner John and I have a standing date for once a week. We do our Connection Ceremony* each time, which begins with a check-in from each of us. Lately I’ve had a lot to process, and I was feeling some sadness as I came into our time together.

My mind got busy. “I’m always emotional. He’ll get tired of it. It’s a downer for him to be with this. Don’t cry.”

But I stayed real. I talked about what was up with me, I cried the tears, and then I was clear again. Just like a storm passing over a range of hills, if you don’t resist or cling, the emotions move quickly.

Later, we were sharing a moment of exquisite pleasure. It was slow and delicate, and I was transported into ecstasy. I said to him, “This delight is possible because I cleared out the sadness. It made room for the joy.”

And it’s true. If you are stuffed full of unexpressed emotions, then you go a little numb in order to not feel them. But the numbness is not selective. Pleasure gets numbed along with the pain. But if your emotions are flowing, your energy flows too. And pleasure rides the energy.

Give yourself permission to express your emotions fully, and you will give yourself permission to have more joy. It’s what remains once the emotions clear out — your natural state of being.

If you need support in this realm, I’m happy to help. Allow me to offer you a complimentary Sexual Renaissance session. Click the link to find out more.

With love,

*If you want a copy of “Creating Connection: A Guide to Intimacy”, a step-by-step guide to a beautiful connection ceremony, click here.

Hot Sex vs. Cool Sex

Artist Unknown — If you know them, please let me know so I can acknowledge them

People love hot sex. What’s not to like? It’s wild, passionate, and it sweeps you away.

But what about cool sex? You don’t hear too much about that.

I love cool sex. Sex that includes stillness and space. Like a kiss where your lips are barely touching and your breath brushes your lips. Or a moment during intercourse when you both get still and feel the energies moving through your bodies as you hover on the edge of orgasm.

In moments like these, I feel myself expand into infinity.

Cool sex has lots of advantages. The possibility of spiritual expansion. The calm alertness that it brings to the mind. The exquisite pleasure of being able to fully feel each touch because there is space around it and you have time to let it ripple fully through your body before the next touch comes.

Plus, it’s a lot easier to do if you have issues with your body such as pain or limitations with movement.

So, yes, enjoy hot sex all you want. And maybe experiment with just how hot cool sex can be!

If you need support with your sexuality (either hot or cold!), let me offer you a complimentary Sexual Renaissance session. Click the link to find out more.

(I am grateful to David and Ellen Ramsdale for introducing me to the idea of cool sex in their magnificent book Sexual Energy Ecstasy. It’s one of my favorite sacred sexuality books.)


Thursday, June 10, 2021 is a new moon in Gemini. To make it more potent, it’s also a solar eclipse, which happens at a new moon where the earth, sun and moon are in precise alignment.

What qualities of Gemini would serve you to bring into your relationship? Gemini is concerned with gathering information and communication. It’s a sign of curiosity. These qualities will serve you well in getting to know more about your partner.

I took a car trip with a lover once. We were in my bare-bones little car, with no sound system and a 12-hour drive ahead of us. We decided to pass the time by asking each other questions about our sexual experiences. We spent almost the whole twelve hours wrapped up in fascinating conversation, and we learned a lot about each other. This is a positive use of Gemini energy.

If you are called to do this, an important ground rule would be to receive your partner’s answer without judgment. It can be vulnerable to talk about such intimate topics, and to be met with judgment can be traumatizing. Remember that any event either feels positive, or it’s a step in someone’s learning process. There are no mistakes, just events that give you more clarity about what you want for yourself.

Here are some questions to get you started:
• What do you enjoy most in our sexual relationship?
• Is there anything you’d like to try with me that we haven’t done?
• Tell me about the first time you had sex.
• What do you fantasize about?
• Where is the most unusual place you’ve had sex?
• Tell me about a time you felt adventurous sexually.

You can also journal on your own about these questions, and look for themes in what you write.

If this conversation uncovers issues that need addressing, I’m happy to support you. Click here to find out more about how to start with a complimentary Sexual Renaissance session.

Ride the power of this Gemini solar eclipse to gather more information about your beloved or yourself!

Sensual Delights

Today is the new moon in Taurus. A new moon is a good time for a new beginning, as it starts a new month-long cycle.

Ah, Taurus! Such an earthy, sensual sign! Taurus is about enjoying all the senses — smells, like the flowers blooming now, or the smell of your lover or yourself. Tastes, like wine and chocolate and fresh-baked bread. Sight, like the colors of those flowers, and the lush green of springtime. Sounds, like the birdsong that has returned to the land, or the soft moans and breaths of your lover. And touch, like the caresses that you give and receive with your lover or with yourself.

Is it any wonder why Taurus season is in May? And Beltane, the Celtic festival of fertility, where people would make love in the fields to assure the fertility of the upcoming crops, is May 1 – right smack dab in the middle of Taurus?

To celebrate Taurus, create a sensual delight for yourself and your partner if you have one. Prepare your space as one of beauty. Include some fragrant flowers, and choose your smoothest sheets. Have plenty of pillows so everything is very comfortable. Prepare some delicious snack food ahead of time. Gather some items that you can use to pleasure your partner’s skin, or yours. A silk scarf can be lightly dragged across naked skin. An ostrich feather can tickle pleasantly. The bristles of a hairbrush create a stimulating sensation on the skin and provide a contrast to the light touch of other things. Use your imagination to notice the textures of things that might create an interesting sensation.

If you have a partner, then you might experiment with blindfolding them so that the other senses get emphasized. Left them lie back and relax, naked, while you stimulate the senses with these items you gathered, as well as your fingertips, your fingernails, your hair, your lips, your breath, and your breasts if you have them. Notice their reactions, and follow their body’s guidance. If you choose you can take turns giving and receiving.

If you’re with yourself, you can still do many of these things. Keep the attitude of self-loving while you enjoy this delight of the senses, which is given to the ultimate lover — you!

Taurus month is an excellent time to begin to awaken your sensuality if it has gone to sleep. If you need assistance with that, I am offering three complimentary Sexual Renaissance sessions in the month of May. This is available until May 20, when Taurus season ends for the year. Act now to harness the energy of the planets!

Click here for more information and how to claim your free session.

Here’s wishing you the sensual delight of a Taurus season!

Comfort and Transformation

The next full moon is April 26 2021. The sun is in Taurus and the moon is in Scorpio. As with all full moons, the sun is opposite the moon. This highlights a pull between opposite energies. The trick is to balance them.

One of the characteristics of Taurus is that it loves comfort and security. Taurus likes soft velvet pillows and chocolate. Taurus doesn’t like change, being a fixed earth sign. Scorpio on the other hand is interested in depth. It revels in deep psychological probing, which is often not comfortable. Scorpio is about transformation, which is also often not comfortable.

A healthy relationship contains both of these energies. The ability to go deep, to process the shadow aspects of the personality is an essential ingredient of a conscious relationship. You have to bring your shadow side to consciousness so it doesn’t run you. Alternating these periods of deepness with Taurean sensuality and comfort allows you to integrate what you bring up from the Scorpio side.

If you are out of balance towards the Taurus side, then you might spend so much time being comfortable that there is no growth. Your relationship may become stagnant and boring. I was in a relationship where we got like that. There was so much dysfunction between us that we spent a lot of time watching the videos. I remember a depressing moment in the video store, where I realized that we had seen everything in the store that I wanted to see. There was an inbalance there. That relationship didn’t last.

On the other hand, if you’re out of balance towards the Scorpio side, then you might wear yourself out with constant processing. I remember a relationship I was in that was like that. It was not uncommon for us to stay in bed until 4:00 in the afternoon processing some upset between us. Meanwhile, we wouldn’t even have had breakfast or brushed our teeth. While the relationship engendered a lot of growth in both of us, we could have benefited from a little Taurus energy. Maybe that relationship would have lasted longer!

I guess I needed to experience both sides of Taurus and Scorpio. Those were early relationships, which are often learning grounds. Now I include both energies.

If you are in a relationship, I invite you to take a look at where you are on the spectrum between comfort and transformation. Are you balanced? Is there one side of the spectrum that you need to bring in more?

If you need more Taurus, then spend some time giving each other massage. Or create a sensual feast. Let a square of chocolate melt in your mouth and pass it back and forth to your lover with a kiss.

If you need more Scorpio energy, then you could play a game of Truth or Dare. One person chooses either Truth or Dare. If they choose Truth, then the other person asks them a question and they must answer it truthfully. If they choose Dare the other person dares them to do something and they must do it. Then you reverse sides. Your imagination is the only limit. And of course, you get to have your boundaries. If something doesn’t feel right to you then don’t do it. But look at the reasons why it doesn’t feel right. That in itself is a Scorpio action.

Taurus and Scorpio are both juicy energies for a relationship. They are well worth developing in yours! If you need support I can help you. Click here to find out more.

Have fun on this Scorpio-Taurus Full moon!

Deep Healing for Sexual Renaissance

Sometimes part of my Sexual Renaissance program is about deep healing. There is often wounding that gets in the way of a free and joyous sexual expression. This may be wounding in the relationship, like the betrayal of an affair, or it might be an individual matter, like childhood programming of sexual shame. Whatever it is, I’m there for that. It’s about going deep, releasing old pent-up feelings, and creating a new way of being.

I recently worked with a couple who had experienced the wife having an affair a dozen years ago. She was still wracked with guilt over it, even though he had put it behind him. We did a forgiveness ceremony, after some preliminary work to prepare for it, and during the ceremony I watched her lighten up and drop the guilt. It cleared the way for a new connection between them that was flowing and loving and light. It filled my heart with joy to witness that!

In another couple, we worked with sexual shame. The wife had been raised in a fundamentalist religion, and still felt the weight of the judgments about sexuality oppressing her. I guided her into a new attitude of celebrating her body and her sexuality, and watched her blossom into a rich and abundant goddess energy that her husband was delighted to receive. It was beautiful!

Sometimes the healing has to be the first step in the sexual renaissance process. If you feel that this is true for you, I invite you to take the first step towards that first step. I’m happy to gift you with a Sexual Renaissance Session. Click here for more information on how to do this.

Knowing Yourself

Sunday, April 11, was the new moon in Aries and we are still in the new moon phase. Aries is the beginning of the zodiac, and the beginning of the astrological year. What do we begin with? Your self.

Your self is the most fundamental part of a relationship. If you are not centered in your yourself in a healthy way, any relationships you have will be problematic. You may have tendencies to give yourself away and not take care of your own needs. You may have problems with stating boundaries.

Aries is the sign of the warrior. I like to think of the peaceful warrior, the one who is strong enough to not need to do battle. When you are centered in your strength, and know that you have a right to take care of your needs and assert your boundaries, then it becomes matter-of-fact instead of a battle. There is no emotional charge. If you don’t have a strong sense of self, then you may not feel like you have a right to take care of yourself. If you assert yourself from that place, it may come out as aggressive because you are anticipating a fight. And if you’re anticipating a fight, that’s what you’ll attract.

The other side of the coin is being self-absorbed to a degree where you don’t consider other people’s needs. This is not sustainable in a relationship either. You might burn out the other person because there is not an equal give-and-take. Or you might create a relationship that doesn’t really satisfy you because the person you attract can’t really meet you.

To honor the new moon in Aries, you might want to look at where are you are in regards to caring for your self. Do you honor yourself? Can you say no without guilt? Do you consider how your actions impact the other?

To take this even deeper in an intimate relationship, a knowledge of yourself is essential for a satisfying sexual relationship. If you don’t know what you like then how can you let your partner know what works for you? We are all wildly different in our sexual preferences. To expect your partner to magically figure out what works for you can set you both up for disappointment in your sexual connection. But if you know what you like, you can gracefully guide your partner into giving that to you.

It’s also a good time to begin explorations into your sexual self. What feels good to you? How do you like to be touched? When you’re alone how do you touch yourself? If you have no idea of where to start with this, or how to communicate what you discover, I can help you. I’ve helped hundreds of others with just that. Click here to find out more.

This is an excellent time to begin a new way of being – a new Moon and the first sign of the zodiac. New moons are about new beginnings, and this is the newest of all the new moons because it’s in Aries. Harness the power of the new cycle!

Self and Others

Sunday is the full moon. The sun is in Aries and the moon is in Libra. What does this mean for you and your relationship?

Any full moon has an inherent opposition of energies. Full moons happen when the sun and moon are opposite each other, with the earth in between. The energies are at opposite ends of a spectrum. What that spectrum is changes from month to month.

Aries is the sign that is most about the self, and Libra is the sign that is most about partnership. Can you sense the tug-of-war that is embedded in that?

Most people have a predominant inclination of emphasis. Some are self-centered. Some are other-centered. Neither is bad; in fact, both are necessary for a balanced way of being.

A self-centered person is good at taking care of themselves, but maybe not so good at paying attention to what their partner needs. An other-centered person is just the opposite. They focus upon their partner’s needs, and often neglect themself.

Those are the extreme ends of the spectrum. Most people are somewhere in between, where it’s healthier.

Ideally, we each take care of ourselves so well that we overflow with well-being to give to our partner. Of course, this will vary from day to day. Some day you need a helping hand. Other days, you need to self-nourish.

I invite you to use the energies of this full moon to pay attention to this dichotomy. Where are you on this spectrum? Self-centered? Other-centered? This would be an excellent time to try out the opposite end of the spectrum.

If you are predominately self-centered, gift your partner with service. Offer them a day or an afternoon where you are at their pleasure. They can ask for whatever they like, and you give it to them in the spirit of service, with no expectations and no strings attached.

If you are more other-centered, take a period of time for yourself. Go inward, ask yourself what would YOU like in this time. A bath? Stretching your body? Self-pleasuring? A walk? Approach this time as if you have a date with someone very special — you!

In either case, notice what comes up for you. Is it uncomfortable? Unfamiliar? A relief? Whatever you notice, stay out of judgment about it. Let this be just information that might guide you into an adjustment in your orientation.

Happy full moon!

Mezcal As a Spiritual Practice


Wait! Are you thinking, “I thought alcohol was low-vibe, something a spiritual person wouldn’t do, much less advocate as a spiritual practice.” Until recently, I would have agreed with you. But let me tell you about an experience I had that showed me something different.

A friend came up to visit for the holidays recently, bearing a bottle of mezcal. Now, I rarely drink spirits. (Interesting name, eh?) I do enjoy wine and beer, but in moderation. But I only drink distilled spirits a few times a year. But the smoky flavor of mezcal is so yummy. And my loving friend brought it. And it was the holidays, a time of relaxation and celebration. So I went for it, and shared a couple of shots with her, which was quite a lot for me. I got kind of rowdy for a little while.

Here’s where the spiritual practice part comes in. I had just had a conversation with my long-time spiritual mentor, William Rainen. He has been guiding me since the mid-1990’s, and he knows me well. He is constantly telling me that I am overthinking things, to just relax and let things flow, to trust that the flow will take me to the right place. And in that conversation, he had said it once again.

You know what the definition of an old soul is? A slow learner! Well, if that’s true, then I’m definitely an old soul!

So I was musing upon that while working a jigsaw puzzle by the fire with my friends, when shots were poured. Very soon, as the alcohol took effect, my puzzle approach changed. Instead of analyzing each piece and finding where it went, I started just picking one up that caught my eye. And my hand would take it to the right place, without my conscious mind deciding where to put it. I did it over and over.

There was a great teaching there for me. That there is something bigger than my mind that knows the truth, that is aligned with a divine flow, that will always lead me true.

I don’t recommend using alcohol on a regular basis. Most of the time it leads to unconsciousness rather than consciousness. But in this case, it led to an experience of greater trust in the universe.

I think that you can receive a teaching through anything, if you are open and ready for it. If you are constantly watching your reactions, noticing when you go unconscious or reactive, or when you are aligned with Source.

What’s probably even more true is this: life is a spiritual practice. All of life, even mezcal. It’s up to us to use life this way, and live aligned with Source.

A Time of Darkness


As the days get shorter and darker, I am reminded of this time five years ago, when I was grieving my former boyfriend’s death. The darkness of the season led me into the darkness that I was feeling.

I embraced the darkness fully. I spent many nights sitting in front of the flickering fire, with darkness surrounding me. I cried, I wailed, I screamed in pain. I felt like a crazy wild woman. But I knew to keep going, to embrace it fully. Because when I did, I would eventually pop through into a sublime state of ecstasy. I would feel merged with the light, empty, calm, peaceful.

It would be great to be able to just go straight there, to the ecstatic light. But I found for myself, and for many I have supported, that the gateway to the light is to drop the resistance to feeling the pain. It’s hard to do. It can feel so big that it threatens to overwhelm you. But the rewards are great.

A time of grieving is a window of opportunity. When your heart is cracked open, you can use that crack to pour out all the pain of a lifetime. To release far more than the current grief (which is plenty by itself). You can emerge from the time of grief reborn, healed, and whole.

It takes courage, the courage of a spiritual warrior. And it helps to have support. I often see myself as a kind of a lifeguard for my clients. They are jumping into the deep end of the pool, and I am sitting on the side, ready to throw in the plastic doughnut life preserver if it is needed. It creates a feeling of safety to have me there, a sense that it might be ok to dive into the deep feelings and release them fully, without resistance.

The holidays can be a particularly hard time if you’re grieving. You may be missing your loved one more intensely. You may not want to go to holiday gatherings where people are laughing and having fun. This is completely understandable.

I would like to offer you support to go into the dark. It’s not really a scary place, once you get to know it, just a very powerful one. I know it well, and I’m not afraid. I can hold you and help you find your way.

Many blessings to you!