Pleasure is Powerful

Pleasure is powerful.

I had an experience a little while ago that showed me this once again. I was presenting an online women’s group, and the last session was happening the next day. I wanted it to be really special, and I didn’t know what to do.

I sat at my desk and looked at the notes that I had created for the group. I had basically done everything that I had imagined doing already, and there was still another evening to go. I drew a blank.

I sat there for a little while. I’m proud to say, not too long. Then I said to myself, “ I’m not going to come up with something creative sitting here at my desk.” I jumped up, packed up my things, and drove down to the lake where I often swim.

As I prepared to get in the water, I asked the question, “What would be the highest and best thing to do for this group?” And I trusted that the answer would come. I walked into the water, and just abandoned myself to the sensual feel of the cool silky water sliding over my skin. Aaaah! It felt so good.

Within a few minutes, a lightening bolt of inspiration struck. What if I did THIS? (I’m not going to get into the details here because that’s not the point of this story.) It was an idea that I loved.

I kept swimming, and more and more ideas came popping in, refining the process, considering details and how to handle them. By the time I got out of the water, the group was basically planned.

The next evening, I facilitated the process with my group. It was powerful! The women went deeply into the process, and they loved it. I felt that I had done a work of service to them, and by extension, put some healing into the universal field.

I don’t think I would have gotten such a inspired process by sitting at my desk, trying to dredge up some inspiration. But it was easy using the pleasure of the water, the movement of my body, and asking for inspiration and trusting that it would come this way.

Breathe into Deeper Pleasure

Take a nice deep breath. Feel your chest and belly expand.

Exhale with a sigh.

Do that again, and notice how different you feel already.

The breath is one of the most powerful tools you have — and you always have it with you! Imagine applying this to lovemaking.

Most people approach lovemaking with tension in their bodies and their breath held. When you do this, you create a contraction in your body that limits how much pleasure you can feel. The pleasure that you do feel stays localized in your pelvis, and there’s only so much pleasure you can hold there before it becomes too much. It often gets released in an orgasm. But often that orgasm is a quick thrill followed by a loss of pleasure and energy.

If you breathe consciously while making love, you create an opening in your body that allows pleasure to fill up your whole body. Orgasm takes longer to get to, but the whole journey towards orgasm is full of delight. And there is not just a quick thrill, but a deep rolling pleasure that includes your whole body and goes on for a long, long time. Imagine how you would feel after experiencing waves of pleasure through your whole body for thirty minutes, or an hour, or even longer! And this is for both men and women!

There are practices that I teach that allow you to experience this for yourself, enhancing your experience of lovemaking and orgasm so that your whole being is enraptured.

If you want a taste of this on your own, just breathe slowly and deeply as you make love.

Sometimes there are issues in the way — things to let go of so that you can experience this birthright of pleasure. If you want to go deeper, let me offer you a free Sexual Communion Gateway Session to explore the possibilities. My schedule is pretty full, but I have an opening for one private client right now.

What might be possible for you?

Erotic Energy is Like Rocket Fuel

Photo by Bill Jelen on Unsplash

Erotic energy is like rocket fuel.

You know how a rocket is propelled upward by fire at its base?

It’s a very good metaphor for how the erotic energy can be used. You can use your fire, the sexual energy that starts in your pelvis, to move that energy up your spine, activating whatever you desire.

It might be that you want to stand more firmly in your power. You can fill your power center up and be strong in your convictions.

You might want to open your heart and love more fully. You can warm your heart and let the energy of love flow out.

You might want to speak your truth. You can use the erotic energy to give you confidence and to make it easier to express yourself.

Maybe you are looking for inspiration for a creative endeavor, or a vision of what your life could be like. You can inspire visions with this energy.

You might want the possible ultimate use of the erotic: to feel yourself connected with the divine, to experience the ecstatic union with All-That-Is.

All this can be yours. And in such a fun way! What’s not to like?

We’ll be diving into how to use the rocket fuel of erotic energy in my upcoming group, “Erotic Divine Feminine.” Join us for an exciting exploration! It starts July 7.

Click here for more info.

The Fruits of Pleasure

Pleasure is an incredible tool for manifesting. This past weekend was a great example of that. I took some time off for my birthday, and went to Ashland, Oregon with my sweetheart John to visit my dear friend Sabina. We spent some lovely time together, hiking in the Southern Oregon forest, going to a music festival, swimming, and some sweet wild loving time with John. It was a few days devoted to pleasure.

While I was away, having fun, I got two new clients. Such an immediate confirmation of what I’ve been saying. The theme of my upcoming women’s group (Erotic Divine Feminine) is transforming your relationship to pleasure. And this is the result!

Join me and some powerful, lovely women to explore how pleasure can transform you! We start July 7.

For more information or to register, click here.

Here’s to more pleasure for everyone!

Pleasure: A Tool for Manifesting

Pleasure is a powerful tool in manifesting what you want in your life.

Here’s an example:

On Monday, I was preparing for the intro evening for my upcoming group, “Erotic Divine Feminine”. I spent the morning creating an outline for the evening, and began thinking about what I wanted to say. I didn’t finish, however, and I ended my work session with an open question: “What is the essence of my message to these lovely women who are attending this workshop?”

Part of the magic is the open question. Drawing in the answers from Spirit by being receptive. Receptivity is the essence of the feminine, yin energy part of the erotic divine feminine. (This is independent of what physical body you have. You can be receptive or active with a male or female body.)

I spent the afternoon with my beloved John, connecting in yummy sensual and sexual ways. It was nourishing and fulfilling. And answers to my open question kept popping in, while I was delightfully occupied with pleasure. I didn’t have to sit and think, creating with effort. I just had a great time with my lover and let the ideas spark.

I highly recommend this way of creation! Not only is it fun, but I received ideas that I probably wouldn’t have thought of if I’d been sitting at my desk, being taskmaster to get it done.

This is one of the aspects of the erotic divine feminine: receptivity.

I’m starting a new group July 7 where we will explore how to increase your pleasure. Are you ready to use pleasure to energize yourself and your life? Join us!

For more info, click here.


Many people think of masturbation as something ugly or shameful. It conjures up furtive moments in the bathroom as a teenager, hoping no one will catch you. Here’s a reframe for you: how about calling it self-pleasuring, or making love to yourself? How about approaching it as a worshipful act, something that gets you in touch with yourself and gives you pleasure and healing?

I often recommend self-pleasuring to my clients who are trying to retrain their bodies. Many people will benefit from this wholesome practice. When you are trying to retrain your body, frequent practice is very helpful. Or if you are in a relationship where sex is not happening, making love to yourself can help take the pressure out of the relationship for both partners.

And an added benefit: you’re a cheap date! 😉

To get the most out of self-pleasuring, it helps to change your viewpoint. Many people think of it as a substitute for making love with another person. If you’re trying to have an experience like that, then it will be not as good, because you will be missing the energy exchange that is so much a part of lovemaking with another. But if you think of it as a wonderful opportunity to explore yourself and how good you can feel, and stop comparing it to making love with another person, it actually gets much better.

It can be very powerful to do a self-pleasuring ritual. Choose a time and place where you won’t be disturbed, that is comfortable and free of distractions. Perhaps set up a mirror so you can see yourself. You’ll see yourself in your most beautiful state when you are aroused. Do what it takes to make it feel special to you — nice lighting, sensually pleasing sheets or blankets, candles, incense, flowers, a small altar with objects that have some significance to you. These are some ideas to get you started. Use your own imagination and have fun with it. It can be like preparing for a date to prepare for your own self-pleasuring ritual.

As you start the ritual, take a moment to set an intention. Here are some sample intentions:

  • I want to explore my body.
  • I want to explore how pleasure can send me into a sublime state of ecstasy.
  • I want to connect with the Divine Feminine or Masculine.
    Whatever intention is right for you in the moment is fine. Try to state it positively — what you want rather than what you don’t want.

Once you know your intention, light a candle to focus the energy and say your intention out loud.

Begin touching yourself slowly and gently, all over your body. You can rub oil or lotion into your skin if you like. Coconut oil is very nice for this. Touch your whole body, loving every inch of yourself. It’s important to touch the whole body because it awakens the nervous system and allows energy to flow away from the pelvis and all over your body, which will lead to a much more satisfying experience. Touch your body like you would touch a special lover.

Slowly begin to include more erotic touch, still mixing it with touching all over your body. Build your energy up slowly, backing off if you get close to orgasm so that you can make it last longer. Don’t make orgasm be the goal, just enjoy the moment’s touch.

Some people ask about the role of fantasy in self-pleasuring. There is a balance to strike there. The main idea of this ritual is to be present with your own body. Fantasy can add some spark and spice, but if you get so wrapped up in it that you lose track of your own body and energy, then you’re missing the point. You will lose out on your own delicious self.

If you do choose to fantasize about someone, then it’s important to be psychically clean with it. Before you do, ask permission. You don’t have to call them up on the phone, just send out an energetic question to them in your thoughts. Then wait for the answer, and if it’s a no, then respect that and move on. And if it’s a yes, you’ll be able to completely enjoy the experience without wondering if you are violating someone by fantasizing about them.

Enjoy your time with yourself!

Peak and Valley Orgasms

In the typical Western sexual encounter, most people experience what I call a “peak orgasm.” It is very genitally focused, and usually reached through extreme tension. There is a quick rush, and then the energy drops rapidly. If you charted it on a graph, there would be a sharp peak, hence the name.

Another alternative is possible, and that is called the “valley orgasm” or the “full-body orgasm.” On a graph, this orgasm shows valleys among the peaks, so that the energy is wave-like in form. This is an orgasm that happens mostly with relaxation, and by using certain Tantric breath techniques. Since the body is not working so hard, as in a peak orgasm, a valley orgasm can last for very long periods of time – even an hour is possible. (Yes, I’m talking about both men and women here.) The sensations in a valley orgasm are quite different than a peak orgasm. It is not as genitally focused but rather the whole body is involved. Waves of energy travel up and down the body so that you are riding upon ripples of pleasure. The genitals feel pleasure, but so do the spine, the legs the arms, and all the body. And being in a state of pleasure for an extended period of time can lead to mystical experiences of union — with yourself, your partner and with the divine.

This is not to say that peak orgasms are bad or wrong. They have their place. If you only have time for a “quickie” in the morning, they are great. And to have the option of the valley orgasm as well adds to your experience.

Enjoy the valleys!

The Art of Pleasuring – Variation

Photo by Conscious Design on Unsplash

Variation is a key element in the art of pleasuring. When we receive the same type of stimulation for a long time, the brain tunes it out. We stop hearing the dripping faucet, for instance. Try this experiment for yourself, right now. Rub the palm of your hand with one finger in the same line, back and forth. Keep doing this for a while. Notice your sensations. Now change the direction of the line. Notice the sensation now. Did you feel it more once you changed direction?

Variation can come from changes in pressure (light or firm), in speed (slow or fast), the place you are touching, the length of the stroke, or the direction of the stroke. Touch can move on a continuum from very yin (soft, slow) to very yang (hard, fast). Very yin touch might be using your breath on the skin, or brushing the hairs without touching the skin. Very yang could be grabbing firmly, biting, or spanking. And there’s a wonderful range in between. Of course, a stroke can combine elements of both yin and yang, for example a light and fast stroke. There’s a playground to explore in these variations, moving from yin to yang and places in between.

Generally, it is best to start with more yin touch, to allow the body to warm up. Save the more yang touch for when energy is moving and your partner is more aroused. They will be much more likely to enjoy it then. Otherwise, you might be met with an “Ouch!”

You can have a lot of fun exploring the ranges of variation!

The Art of Pleasuring: Smooth Slow Flow

Photo by Tim Samuel from Pexels

A guideline to assist you in the art of pleasuring is to incorporate a smooth, slow flow.

Moving smoothly from one area to another, rather than jumping around from place to place, is important. Let there be a flow to your touch, to allow the receiver to experience his/her whole body. It can be startling to the body to be touched in a place that is not expected.

Let your hands be relaxed rather than stiff, so that they can follow the contours of the body. Relaxed hands feel better to the body, and they also can transmit more energy.

When in doubt, slow down. A slow touch conveys a sense of spaciousness, a timelessness that feels quite luxurious.

Aaaah! The smooth slow flow feels wonderful! Try it and see.

The Art of Pleasuring: Intention

Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels

The art of pleasuring is quite complex, but there are some basic ideas that can help you a lot. One concept that is quite useful is intention and attention.

Intention begins before touching starts. It’s important to check in with yourself, to ask yourself what your intention really is. Is your touch about giving or about getting something? The person receiving your touch can feel your intention, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. When your intention is truly to give, your touch is more likely to be pleasurable. When your touch is about getting some need of yours met, it may not be as pleasurable.

Attention is very important as well. Attention affects the quality of touch dramatically. By attention what I mean is that your focus is on your own body and on the place that you are touching. You are present with the touch, and your energy is all the way in your hand and going into the body of the person you are touching. The energy of the hand begins at the spine, at the heart center. When it flows out from the heart down the arms and into the hands and fingers, the touch is alive and electric. When the energy is not moving, or attention is elsewhere, the touch feels absent and dead.

If you would like support in learning more about how to enhance your sexual connection, I can help! Let’s start with a complimentary Sexual Communion Gateway session. Click the link to find out more or to book your session.

Intention and attention can make a huge difference in the quality of your experience. Try it!