The Art of Pleasuring – Variation

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Variation is a key element in the art of pleasuring. When we receive the same type of stimulation for a long time, the brain tunes it out. We stop hearing the dripping faucet, for instance. Try this experiment for yourself, right now. Rub the palm of your hand with one finger in the same line, back and forth. Keep doing this for a while. Notice your sensations. Now change the direction of the line. Notice the sensation now. Did you feel it more once you changed direction?

Variation can come from changes in pressure (light or firm), in speed (slow or fast), the place you are touching, the length of the stroke, or the direction of the stroke. Touch can move on a continuum from very yin (soft, slow) to very yang (hard, fast). Very yin touch might be using your breath on the skin, or brushing the hairs without touching the skin. Very yang could be grabbing firmly, biting, or spanking. And there’s a wonderful range in between. Of course, a stroke can combine elements of both yin and yang, for example a light and fast stroke. There’s a playground to explore in these variations, moving from yin to yang and places in between.

Generally, it is best to start with more yin touch, to allow the body to warm up. Save the more yang touch for when energy is moving and your partner is more aroused. They will be much more likely to enjoy it then. Otherwise, you might be met with an “Ouch!”

You can have a lot of fun exploring the ranges of variation!

The Art of Pleasuring: Smooth Slow Flow

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A guideline to assist you in the art of pleasuring is to incorporate a smooth, slow flow.

Moving smoothly from one area to another, rather than jumping around from place to place, is important. Let there be a flow to your touch, to allow the receiver to experience his/her whole body. It can be startling to the body to be touched in a place that is not expected.

Let your hands be relaxed rather than stiff, so that they can follow the contours of the body. Relaxed hands feel better to the body, and they also can transmit more energy.

When in doubt, slow down. A slow touch conveys a sense of spaciousness, a timelessness that feels quite luxurious.

Aaaah! The smooth slow flow feels wonderful! Try it and see.

The Art of Pleasuring: Intention

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The art of pleasuring is quite complex, but there are some basic ideas that can help you a lot. One concept that is quite useful is intention and attention.

Intention begins before touching starts. It’s important to check in with yourself, to ask yourself what your intention really is. Is your touch about giving or about getting something? The person receiving your touch can feel your intention, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. When your intention is truly to give, your touch is more likely to be pleasurable. When your touch is about getting some need of yours met, it may not be as pleasurable.

Attention is very important as well. Attention affects the quality of touch dramatically. By attention what I mean is that your focus is on your own body and on the place that you are touching. You are present with the touch, and your energy is all the way in your hand and going into the body of the person you are touching. The energy of the hand begins at the spine, at the heart center. When it flows out from the heart down the arms and into the hands and fingers, the touch is alive and electric. When the energy is not moving, or attention is elsewhere, the touch feels absent and dead.

If you would like support in learning more about how to enhance your sexual connection, I can help! Let’s start with a complimentary Sexual Communion Gateway session. Click the link to find out more or to book your session.

Intention and attention can make a huge difference in the quality of your experience. Try it!

Orgasm – A Glimpse of Enlightenment

One of my first spiritual teachers, a channeled spirit named Dr. Peebles, used to say “Orgasm is a glimpse of enlightenment.” He explained that the moment of orgasm contains the essence of enlightenment — the ecstatic dissolve into a sense of oneness. And furthermore, it is the most accessible glimpse of enlightenment for most people.

At the time I was in my early 40s, the peak of a woman’s sexual energy. I thought it was pretty cool that something that was so compelling in my life could be a path to enlightenment. But frankly, my priority was more on the orgasm than the enlightenment. I had been practicing and teaching sacred sexuality for about five years at that point, and I regularly utilized practices that encourage full-body orgasms that last for extended periods of time. It was not unusual for me to experience orgasm for an hour or even longer. I reasoned that the longer I was in orgasm the deeper the glimpse of enlightenment. But the extended orgasms were enough to keep me doing the practices. Enlightenment seemed like a very distant goal.

Fast forward twenty-some years later. I had continued the practices of deep orgasmic bliss. One day I had an experience that showed me the truth of what Dr. Peebles had been saying. I was making love with my partner John and lying back as he pleasured me. I imagined my yoni (vulva) as a cosmic portal. In the next moment I had a vision of a yoni made of rays of light on a black background. Then suddenly I shifted into a field of light. There was no “I” anymore, just a sense of oneness with all that is. It was a moment of enlightenment.

Since then, those moments have come more and more frequently. Enlightenment no longer seems like a distant goal.

The path is often like this. The pleasure of orgasm is a powerful alluring energy. It provides the motivation to keep doing the practices.

The first step is to fully embrace your sexual energy, and learn to express it joyfully and enthusiastically. For many people that is enough, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The more orgasmic energy there is in the world, the more joy and peace there is!

Some people want to take it further, all the way to enlightenment. I celebrate those people as well.

If this is a path that intrigues you, I can help you walk it. Whether it is freeing up your sexual energy, or learning to use it for your enlightenment, I’ve been there and I’ve helped many people along that path.

I just completed with a long-term client, so I have an opening in my schedule now. If you would like to explore either the process of embracing your sexuality fully or the process of using your sexual energy for enlightenment, I would love to help you.

The first step would be to get on the phone with me for a free Sexual Communion Gateway Session. This link will give you more information about the session and you can book your appointment there.

I look forward to connecting with you!

Make Some Sound!

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Did you know one of the best ways to get your sexual energy moving and flowing is to make sound?

There are energy centers in the body, called chakras in the yogic and Tantric teachings. There are seven main chakras along the spine, and each one has a different kind of energy associated with it.

The two chakras that are involved in this principle of making sound to get your sexual energy flowing are the throat chakra and the sexual chakra.

The sexual chakra is located in the lower belly, pelvis and genitals. It includes sexuality and sensuality and emotional expression.

The throat chakra is about communication and self-expression. It is located in the throat and it also includes the jaw and the mouth.

There is an energetic resonance between the two chakras. You can even see it physically in the structures of the body. The shape of the jaw echoes the shape of pubic bone. A woman’s lips (both upper and lower sets) open as she gets aroused.

If you’re trying to be quiet while making love, that resonance will create a dampening of energy in your sexual center. It’s true in the other direction as well. If you make sound your sexual energy will begin to flow more freely.

If you’re not used to making sound, you can start with a gentle “Ah” sound. That will be enough to open up the flow. Of course, you’re also free to yell your head off if you like!

The next time you are activating your sexual energy, try adding sound and see what happens. You may have a lot of fun!

Sexual energy is a powerful force and it deserves to be honored!

Stolen Kisses

“I always have to steal my kisses from you.”

This was a line in a pop song I was exposed to frequently a few years ago. I always wished I could have a conversation with the person who wrote the song. I could share a few things that might have helped them.

First, it might be that stealing kisses is the reason that they have to steal kisses. That may sound paradoxical, but bear with me. Stealing kisses is a boundary violation. If someone receives violations of their boundaries over and over, the natural response is to set up more and more protection. So violating someone’s boundary is actually working against your interests of having more intimacy.

There’s another clue in the line. The singer calls them MY kisses. That implies that they are self-serving kisses. They are not kisses that are meant to give energy to their partner. They are meant to take energy from them.

This line popped up in my mind the other day as I was kissing my beloved partner John. I was noticing the vast difference between the situation described in the song and the situation I was in at the moment. I was freely giving kisses with joy and love. There was so much energy in those kisses that it lit him up. He was beaming when we stopped.

A shift in orientation from stealing to giving can bring tremendous rewards. You may receive far more than you could ever steal.

Of course, this shift may not happen overnight. If you have set up a pattern it takes time for it to change. But it’s a good opportunity to watch yourself and notice if you have addictive behavior. Self-knowledge is the first step towards liberation.

So how about a different line? “I always get to give my kisses to YOU.”

Full Moon Wildness

There is something special about the energy of a full moon. It brings out the wild side. It is bright and glowing, yet none of the mundane of daytime is there. It’s a time that encourages experimentation. It’s a time when it’s okay to get a little wild. Or a lot!

I feel the goddess energy strongly during the full moon. I remember one time when I decided to act it out — to invite the archetype of a moon goddess to use my body as I gave and received the blessing of lovemaking with my partner John.

I did a little advance preparation. I bought some fabric to create a costume. I got some shiny silver fabric that was stretchy and smooth. It clung to my hips in interesting wrinkles as I tied it around my waist. And I found some floaty off-white chiffon, which I draped around my shoulders. I wore a moonstone necklace and earrings. And nothing else.

The trip to the fabric store to get this fabric is a story in itself. As I stood in line to get the fabric measured, I noticed that the young woman behind the counter was asking each person what they were going to make with their fabric. I had some time to consider my answer before I got there. When she asked me, I replied, “I’m going to dress up like a moon goddess, so my boyfriend can worship the goddess through my body.” I felt a little nervous about saying this, not knowing how she would respond.

She was shocked. Her mouth tightened, and her eyes avoided mine. I felt sad for her. She was closing herself off to so much pleasure. I could see it in the way she held her body and in her reaction to my statement. I sent her an inward blessing, and a prayer that sexual shame be lifted from this planet.

I also was pleased that I stood in my knowing that sexual energy is holy. And maybe the interaction with me planted a seed with her. Maybe it prepared the way for a transformation that came later. Or not. That part is out of my control. But I think it serves the transformation of this planet to stay strong and positive in the attitude that sexuality is sacred.

Back to the moon goddess night. We were camping on a hillside above a lake in Oregon. It was a warm summer night and we made our bed outside on the ground. The moon was bright and the oak trees all around us were black and gnarled. The moonlight glittered on the water.

I sat across John’s hips as he laid flat on his back, and raised my arms to the moon. I asked the moon goddess to enter me. I gave myself to the archetype of the moon goddess. I surrendered to her and sent a prayer that she honor this beautiful man who I love so much. I felt steeped in magic, and on holy ground.

This is the power of archetype. This particular night was about the moon goddess. I relate to her deeply so it was a natural connection.

What archetype do you relate to? How would it feel to embody it? What would be fun for you? I encourage you to experiment with these powerful energies.

And have fun in the full moon wildness!

Naked to the Soul

This month’s new moon, on November 4 is in Scorpio. Not only that, it is very close to Mars which rules Scorpio. It’s an excellent time to bring some Scorpio energy into your relationship.

The first word I think of when I think of Scorpio is “intense’. Scorpio thrives upon intensity. Surface interactions just don’t do it. They want depth.

Scorpio has a reputation for being a sexy sign. Sexual energy is their resting ground.

A Scorpio wants you naked. But the nakedness goes beyond the body. They want you to be naked to your soul. To reveal yourself, the hidden depths, is the ultimate nakedness, and the ultimate turn-on.

Of course, it takes trust to do this. If you want your partner to reveal themselves, then you need to be trustworthy. This means receiving what they give you without judgment or criticism — being in unconditional love and acceptance. When you do this consistently over time, then you build the trust that allows your partner to feel safe enough to be naked with you — beyond the skin.

If this has not been the flavor of your relationship so far, you can use this new moon as a new beginning of building a connection of trust and safety. Let your partner know that you want to make a new start. and keep focusing upon their beauty and lovability. The more you find them right, the more they will begin to trust you.

Here’s a gift of something that may help you create more intimacy with your partner. It’s a cut from a longer guided experience called Communing: Intimate Connection For Couples. This is a collaboration with beautiful music by award-winning composer and musician Kevin Braheny Fortune, who was the cofounder and coteacher at the Center for Divine Passion with me in the 1990’s.

Get yourself into a comfortable position with your partner. Arrange yourself so that you can look into each others eyes. Once you’re ready start the music, and use it to help yourselves drop into intimacy. Enjoy!

The full guided experience will be released November 30. Stay tuned for details.

May you enjoy nakedness to the soul.

Full Moon Sex Magic

The full moon this month, on October 20, 2021, has a complex configuration of very potent planets. Without going into too much technical detail, I’ll just say that there is a possibility of either a strong action for more equity and justice, or for global strife and conflict. It’s up to us how we express the energies.

One action that you can take to bring harmony into this mix is to do sex magic for peace.

There are many ways to do sex magic. Some are quite advanced techniques, which really should be taught in person. But here is a way you can use the principles of sex magic without having to learn much in the way of technique.

The basic idea is that your sexual energy is a source of power that can be channeled into a vision or a goal. You start by raising your sexual energy, however feels right to you. It can be through self pleasuring or through connection with a partner.

Once your energy starts to flow don’t rush straight to orgasm. When the energy gets going, slow down your physical stimulation, relax and take a breath, imagining the energy moving up your spine. As you do this visualize a world of peace and justice. If you are with a partner, do this together when either of you needs to slow down.

Repeat this at least three times. Three is a good magic number. You can do this as much as you like. Each time will build the energy a little higher.

When you feel complete, say the following: “This or something better, and for the highest good of all.” Then give it over to the universe. It’s best for you to not get involved in how it happens. Your job is to supply the vision. It’s the universe’s job to make it happen.

Thank you for doing your part for world peace!


The new moon on Wednesday is in Libra. This next lunar month is a good time to bring Libra energy into your relationship.

Libra is a sign that is quite immersed in relationships. They are a high priority for someone who is running a a lot of Libra energy. So putting a lot of attention on how your relationship is going is a quality of Libra that can serve the relationship.

Librans value peace and harmony in relationship. They are disturbed by strife. They excel in mediating and peacemaking. This requires tuning into what the other person needs. Communication is a important component of tuning into someone else’s needs.

What is your communication like with your partner? Is there a confrontational or aggressive tone to your conversation? Do you speak words in anger? If this is so, you might benefit from a little dose of Libran harmony.

This is not to say that it’s not okay to be angry. Anger can be a useful wake-up call that something needs to shift. However, there are ways to communicate this gently that make the communication better able to be received.

There are two components to anger. There is the energy of anger, which is fiery and hot. Then there is the issue that you are angry about. When you collapse these two components together, it can result in toxic communication. It’s easy to throw angry words like knives which leave a lasting cut.

I have found that it leads to more harmony if you separate these two components. First deal with the energy of anger. This may be better to do by yourself. Move your body. Scream and shout. Stomp your feet. Pound some pillows. You will probably find that the energy of anger dissipates quite quickly with these kinds of techniques. This will leave you calm and able to discuss the issues that need attention.

If you can have a communication from this calm place, then it’s much more likely that you can connect with your partner as allies working together to solve a problem. A disagreement can be an opportunity to refine your relationship so that it works even better!

Happy new moon!