Generally, the connection between my beloved partner John and me flows easily and smoothly. I feel gratitude for the work that we’ve both done to be able to get to this place. But that doesn’t mean it always is easy.
Just a little while ago, we were in one of our regular connection ceremonies. These are times that we dedicate towards intimacy, in whatever form it takes. We set aside time at least once a week to have deep connection with each other.
We were in a magical moment. He was slowly sliding the waistband of my leggings down over my hip, as I lay on my side, and kissing the bare skin exposed next to the clothing. I was rapt in my attention to the boundary between the two states – clothed and naked. The place that he was kissing had all my attention.
Then there was a glitch. I rolled over to give him my other hip, and I didn’t communicate clearly. I said, “Take my leggings down,” while still wanting more of what he was doing, but he got the message to just slide them down quickly. I fell off the flow of energy that I was following.
There was a time when that moment would have made everything grind to a crashing halt. I would have gotten closed down, trying to grasp onto what was happening before and recreate it, feeling like I should be still turned on and available. And I can tell you from experience, feeling like that is not an aphrodisiac! And John might have felt confused and criticized.
But we didn’t go there. I just explained what happened, without any judgement towards him, or any charge that it had happened. It was just an event, not good, not bad. He heard it with no defensiveness, and understood what happened. Then we just went back into the flow, being with what was there authentically in that moment.
We had a lovely, powerful, sweet connection. And we learned a bit more about each other in the process.
We were able to do this because of the trust we’ve built. Years of kind communication, without blaming or shaming, has created a foundation that allows for easy recovery from the little glitches that inevitably happen in a relationship.
Yes, it can be easy! You can create this for yourself, even if you haven’t been this way all along. You can make a new beginning, and have a relationship that flows with fun.