Satya Lila

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It Hasn’t Always Been Easy

If you’ve been seeing my posts then you know that I’m crazy in love with my partner John. And even though we are blissfully happy with each other, and even though I’ve taught sacred sexuality for 30 years, with around 15,000 client sessions, it hasn’t always been easy.

There was a time a few years ago when things just weren’t working for us sexually. Due to my spiritual openings, and probably also to my changing hormones, I had gotten extremely sensitive, and the ways that we had connected before were not the ways that worked for me anymore. I didn’t know what I needed, and he was at a loss with how to approach me. To make it worse, I didn’t handle the communication very well. I was impatient and not as loving as I could have been.

One day, I woke up. We had just gone through the same scenario once more. He had reached out to me and I felt irritated and invaded. I had shut down and pulled away from him. I remember this moment so clearly. He was sitting on the side of the bed, slumped down in despair. His face was downcast, and I could see his suffering.

My heart broke. Here was this gorgeous man who I loved dearly, who loved me. We had enjoyed a beautiful sexual connection in the first few years we were together. It was important to both of us to express our love sexually. I ached with sadness at where we were.

And I resolved right then to do what it took to get back to the joyous expression of lovemaking that we had enjoyed with each other.

Since I had such a background in teaching sacred sexuality, I started with what I already knew. I had many tools for communicating what I liked and what I wanted to be different. I started using them again. Duh!

But I had to go deeper than that. I had to learn what was right for me now. It took a lot of exploration, and a lot of dedication on both John’s and my part to learn how to work with how I was now — a highly sensitive woman.

I am forever grateful to John for his patience and understanding, and his ability to set aside his ego and listen to what I want in an attitude of joint exploration as allies.

I’m happy to say that we came through that time and things are better than ever! We have regular connection ceremonies, where we set aside a day to be together intimately. We may dance, or do massage, or make love, or all of that. Sex has become better than it ever has been!

I learned so much! The special needs of a sensitive woman took some experimentation and observation. But we did it, and I’ve been able to help others with what I’ve learned. It’s been so gratifying to hear clients say things like, “Oh my god! She rocked my world!”

The positive side to being a sensitive woman is that when things align, it takes me to amazing places. I float in a gentle ocean of light and love and ecstasy. And when I go there, so does John.

So this is why I do the work I do. Because I know first-hand how painful it can be to not be connecting with your partner. I know how your mind has a hard time focusing upon other things when the connection has interference in it. I know how your energy can feel flattened, and it’s hard to have enthusiasm for anything.

It doesn’t have to be this way. I can help you through a place like this. You can go from feeling hopeless and disconnected to having your heart sing with joy because of the great loving you’ve enjoyed with your partner. Your relationship can be a source of energy that spills out to all other areas of your life. I’ve seen many couples do this, and you can too.

If you’d like more support in creating a vibrant connection with your partner, allow me to gift you with a free Sexual Communion Gateway Session. In this 30-60 minute phone call, I will help you get clear about what your challenges are when it comes to your romantic/sexual relationship, and help you create a vision of what you want instead. Then I’ll give you some solid recommendations that you can begin using right away. There’s no pressure and no strings attached. This is to be in service to you.

I’ve opened up my schedule for three free sessions before August 15. Click here to claim your session.

And if you know of any couples who might benefit from this, please share this with them.

Here’s wishing you luscious loving!

Celebrate!

Celebrate your growth!

Something that I have found that is really helpful with my clients is celebration. It’s so easy to get so focused upon your end goal when you’re in a process of transformation. While it’s good to have a vision, it can start to feel daunting to imagine that you’ll ever get there.

I like to interrupt that relentless focus upon how much more there is to do with a celebration of breakthroughs. When something shifts, pay attention to that and celebrate it. It will keep you motivated and give you hope that you can indeed manifest your vision. And when you pay attention to successes, then you attract more successes!

Jupiter Meets Uranus

A Whole Lotta Shakin’ Going On!

You may have heard that we are nearing a powerful astrological event. On April 20, Jupiter will conjunct Uranus. Jupiter is the biggest planet in the solar system and it amplifies energies of other planets when it contacts them. Uranus is the energy of a lightening bolt — electric, sudden and sometimes shocking. Combine those two energies, and you get a lot of power!

We’ve been heading towards this conjunction for a while. The energies are building already. I’ve seen several people who I work with have kundalini awakenings or surges, some of them completely transformative to the person who is experiencing it.

I’ve had my own experience with Uranus since 2022. It’s been conjunct my natal moon. That’s when I developed Parkinson’s Disease. The tremor associated with Parkinson’s is very similar to the shaking that can happen with a kundalini awakening. I often have had both going on at once — the baseline of the Parkinson’s tremor amplified by kundalini activated.

The key that I have found is surrender. Easy to say, not as easy to do, I know. But when you can truly surrender, and just allow the shaking to be there, it eventually smoothes itself out. It can be really intense at first, but if you can allow it to do what it wants, it will eventually settle down. Then it leaves you in a delightful calm.

I had a thought the other night. Maybe I had this Uranus transit slightly before the conjunction that is coming up now is so I could have the experience of kundalini shaking mastered by now so I can help others through it. (Uranus is still close to my natal moon, so I’m still in it but not for much longer.) There’s nothing like personal experience to help you really understand a situation.

If you are experiencing a kundalini awakening event, you might be having involuntary shaking, sleeplessness, and lots of energy flowing through your body. If you need support, I’m here. We can start with a free 30-minute phone call, and see what you need from there. Click the link to book your call.

You can learn to make the best of an event that even though is challenging, will ultimately lead you to a place that is worlds beyond where you were before!

A Guide to Men Who Want to Truly Make Love to a Women

(Things you might not know)

The fact that you are reading this speaks volumes. I appreciate your desire to make love to a woman with more adeptness. You are a treasure indeed!

There’s a very important point to remember when considering how to approach a woman. It’s something that you might not have considered before.

I would venture to say that it’s nearly impossible to find a woman who has never been hurt sexually. There are obvious cases of sexual abuse, but even women who have never been “abused” have probably had the experience of being entered too soon.

Especially when we are young, the frenzy of male testosterone can dominate the experience. Testosterone creates an imperative of “do it, do it, do it!” Unfortunately, that kind of urgency is not as conducive to a full sexual response in a woman.

Women tend to open up (both physically and energetically) slower than men. And if she is not fully open, it can hurt to be entered. That pain gets stored in the body as a memory. And the body remembers that pain and guards against it. The muscles stay tight and the yoni opening doesn’t fully happen. Which leads to more pain.

Because we have been in a patriarchal culture for thousands of years, this memory of pain is in our DNA. Sexual interactions have been focused upon male pleasure, and a woman speaking up about what she wants was discouraged.

Here’s the important message: Even if she knows she can trust you, the body memories from past lovers who rushed the process, plus the heritage from the DNA, are still there. It’s at an instinctual level. So it’s really not about you if your partner needs to feel safe.

Another important message: If you can be patient and do what it takes to encourage a woman to relax and open completely, the energy that will come back to you is far beyond what you can take for yourself by rushing the experience to get to “the good stuff.” You will be bathed in feminine energy beyond your wildest dreams!

I hope this helps you understand a little more about women. Thank you for caring enough to read this.

If you need some assistance with learning what you can do to work with this dynamic, let me offer you a free Sexual Communion Gateway Session. This is a 30-60 minute phone call where we can explore your challenges, create a vision of what you want instead, and I’ll give you my best recommendations for getting started. There’s no pressure, just a sincere desire to be in service. Click the link to book your session.

Astrology Helps the Healing

Astrology is a marvelous tool in my work. When I’m working with someone who is going deep into themselves, I always cast a chart of their birth, as well as other charts to see what the current influences they are having. This lets me understand their soul’s intention for this lifetime, and I can better guide them in their growth and evolution.

I did this recently for a new client, and the information was profoundly impactful for her. She has had a very troubled life, lots of grief and hardship. I was able to tell her what planetary influences have set those challenges up, and what her soul was intending. I was able to tell her dates when things would have been more challenging, and she was surprised to see how accurate it was. I was also able to tell her that it will be easing up soon, and she’ll get a breather from all the challenges. She wept with tears of relief at receiving this information. It gave her a perspective of having agency instead of being a victim to random circumstances.

Understanding more about the soul’s process of growth and evolution and how we come in with intentions for certain experiences can be found in the birth chart. Sometimes what seems like a hardship has a purpose for our growth.

This reading was especially useful, because I was able to read the path to her healing in her chart. The lineup of planets showed that working with kundalini energy, learning to manage negative thinking, and deepening her spiritual connection would especially be helpful. (All areas I’m very strong in.) And as a “by the way”, my own astrology aligns with hers very precisely in those areas that are about healing. It even shows some past-life connections with her.

This is one of my favorite ways to work with people — to get to know them on a soul level, find out their challenges and intentions for this lifetime, and to guide and mentor them on their path. It is such an honor to be in such service in this way.

If you’re wondering if I can be of service to you, I invite you to explore further. Click here for a free Discovery Session.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Here’s wishing you a happy Valentine’s Day! I must confess, it’s not my favorite holiday. There is too much weight of expectations loaded onto one day. It’s a day when you “should” be happy, you “should” have sex, you “should” receive gifts from a beloved. It’s a miracle that anyone actually does that, what with all the expectations. Expectations are not an aphrodisiac!

I remember years ago being very miserable on Valentine’s Day, even though I was in a good relationship, thinking that there was something wrong if my partner and I didn’t make love. Thinking that it meant we were deficient in some fundamental way, that our relationship was doomed. Eventually I came to see that the burden of expectations was in the way, and I lightened up with my rigid ideas of what Valentine’s Day should be. I’ve been much happier since!

But there is one way that Valentine’s Day can be useful. It can serve as a reminder to you, if you are really not happy with the state of your love life. If you have ongoing problems connecting with your beloved, or if you wish you could love yourself more, or you feel shut off from your sexual energy, Valentine’s Day can illuminate your dissatisfaction and help you get motivated to take action.

I’m here for you if you want to take action. You can start with a complimentary Sexual Communion Gateway Session. I will help you get clear about your challenges, create a vision of what you want instead, and give you some recommendations to get started on your path. Just click the link to find out more. I’d love to be of service to you.

Connection Ceremony

This pic is one my partner John took of me as we began our regular weekly connection ceremony. These are times we set aside to commune with each other and the divine. It’s the highlight of my week! And what keeps us glued together. Deep intimacy and fun certainly make a relationship flow more easily!

I wrote a guide for how you can do your own connection ceremony. I’m offering it as a gift to you. It’s called Create Connection: A Guide to Foster Intimacy. You can find a link to it here.

It’s also got some ways that you can adapt it for a solo practice with yourself. That really fosters self-love!

I hope you enjoy it!

How to Talk to a Partner About Doing Work Together

In the work that I do, helping people experience a more blissful relationship, I often find that one partner is more interested than the other in doing work with me.

I recently had a conversation with a woman who wanted to work with me along with her husband, but she thought he would be resistant to doing it. She said that maybe she would tell him that it was this or a divorce. While that might get his attention, I’m not sure that it would create an authentic motivation on his part. And it’s likely that a harsh approach will create resistance rather than an opening for transformation.

This poem might give some inspiration for another way of handling it.

The Prettiest Mule

Sometimes a mule does not know
What is best for itself.

When the mind is confused like that
It secretly desires a master
With a skilled whip

To guide it to those playgrounds
On the earth’s table
Where the Sweet One’s light has
Made life more tasty.

Hafiz always carries such a whip
But I rarely need to use it.

I prefer just turning myself into
The prettiest mule
In town

And making my tail sing
Knowing your heart will then
Follow.

Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky

Like my Southern Granny used to say: “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

So here are some guidelines for how to talk to a partner who is reluctant to do work on your sexual relationship:

Don’t make them wrong. This can create lasting damage to their sense of being a good lover. When someone is insecure, they will be tentative in their approach to you and probably more in their head than in their body. Not a good way to be when you’re making love.
Tell them what you are longing for, in positive terms. Tell them why you are longing for it. For example, “I remember how we used to be so passionate, and I really would love to share that beautiful energy with you again. It gives me so much life and energy for the rest of my life, and everything flows so easily when I’m filled up like that.”
Mention what they will get from doing it. For example, “I think that you would enjoy a more passionate relationship too. When we are having good lovemaking, we have such a joyful connection. Everything flows more smoothly. I don’t get so irritable over the dishes in the sink when we’ve just made love.”
Many people think that the ability to be a good lover should just come naturally, and that they are a failure if they need to seek help. Reassure them that it’s not a failure. There is a cultural assumption that a good lover should know without being told what their partner likes. But hardly anyone is ever taught how to do it!
Reassure them that your chosen practitioner (that would be me, I hope!) will hold a space of no judgment. I am so comfortable with talking about sexuality that the ease I feel spills over to you and pretty soon you’re talking in ways you never dreamed you could, with more comfort than you could imagine. It’s very liberating!

If I can be of service to you in helping you to create a sexual renaissance in your relationship, or for yourself (because it all starts there anyway), I’d like to offer you a next step: a free Sexual Communion Gateway Session. In this 30-60 minute phone call, I will help you get clear where you are in this area, what your challenges are, and give you my best recommendations on how to deal with these challenges. And if it seems like I could help you further, I might recommend that we do further work together. But there are no strings attached, just a whole-hearted desire to be of service to you.

To schedule this session, click here.

I’d love to help you find your sexual communion!

Tenth Anniversary with John

John and I recently celebrated our 10th anniversary of being together. I made him a book of photos and writings highlighting fun times we’ve shared over these years. This is its cover page. It was so lovely to look back on these ten years as I made the book. We have really built a powerful love.

While talking with a friend about this anniversary, she asked me what I was most proud of in how I’ve been in this relationship. After a moment of reflection, I realized that I am really proud of how conscious we both stay in relating to each other. We are rarely reactive to each other, and because we have both been consistently kind to each other, there is no automatic defensiveness that rears its ugly head.

One of our commitments is to remember in times of upset that we are allies, and to take personal responsibility for our own issues. Not easy to do at first, but it really has smoothed the way in being together.

Here’s an example. The most common place that we irritate each other is a place where each of our personal issues converge. John dislikes being told what to do. Freedom is really important to him. I have a tendency to tell people what to do a lot. (I was the oldest sibling in my family and I’m a natural leader. Or, as my sister puts it, I’m bossy!) These issues can set off upsets and contractions between us.

But we’ve been there before. Over the years it’s come up several times. Each time, we’ve both stayed calm and trusted that the love is more powerful than the issue. Neither of us has attacked the other over hurt feelings, rather we just expressed how we felt kindly. And we’ve listened to each other. Because of this, we can move through a little upset in a matter of minutes.

It happened just a little while ago. We were cooking dinner together. John was at the stove. I was about to make a salad, but next to the sink John had left a big pile of radishes from the garden still with their greens attached. So no space to wash lettuce. I asked him what he wanted to do with the radishes, intending to move them somewhere else myself since he was busy, but he thought I was pressuring him to do something with them right then. His reply was a little snappy, and my belly contracted. I could have snapped back, but I didn’t. I waited a moment, then told him that I wasn’t trying to control him, rather trying to help him. He took that in, and a moment later came over and kissed me on the head. He was able to just drop it and get back to the love.

It’s a small example, but the small stuff adds up. It’s how we treat each other moment to moment, day after day, that makes a relationship really harmonious. Consistency builds trust.

Wishing you lots of sweet loving!

Third-Purpose Relationship

My third eye is shining!

This pic is from an afternoon John and I spent together recently. We had just been in a deep meditation, together connecting with the geometries of light that surround our bodies and are the gateway to the ultimate oneness of love and light. This was while taking a walk afterward. (Always good to ground yourself after an experience like this!)

My teacher Sohra says that there are three possible purposes that characterize a relationship. First-purpose is pleasure. This is something like a hook-up or friends with benefits. Mutual pleasure is the goal, and no further involvement is necessary.

The second-purpose relationship is about bonding. It could be a deep heart connection between the two of you. It could be about raising a family.

Third-purpose relationships are based upon a shared path of spiritual evolution. Sexual union is used for creating energetic experiences that further your spiritual development, and you walk the spiritual path together. John and I have a third purpose relationship. We are both deeply committed to our spiritual growth and development, and we are committed to doing it together.

We do regular weekly connection ceremonies, which usually consist of a series of activities. First, some kind of movement or stretching to unwind the body and make it open and available for energy to move through. Next, a joint meditation where we connect with each other and practice various things that move us closer to the light. Then a grounding walk around our land, to integrate the experience of that meditation into the body, and to connect with Mother Earth. Often when we return from the walk we get into wonderful lovemaking. Then after a sweet quiet time holding each other, we go to make dinner together, which is another way of loving for us.

Our lovemaking is often wild and energetic, raising the energy and circulating it through our bodies. This is sometimes quite visionary for me. I see our bodies overlaid with geometrical patterns which seem to me to be patterns of the universe that we are conforming to. I experience us as much bigger than our bodies, connected with All-That-Is.

It’s been my experience in this relationship with John that by choosing third-purpose, we didn’t say no to the other two purposes. We still have the pleasure of the first purpose, and the bonding of the second. But the real juice is in the third purpose.

I love having it all!

Perhaps these words are resonating with you. Perhaps you want this for yourself. I do hope to inspire you to know how much bliss is possible — and how much growth! If you feel yourself called to a third-purpose relationship, I’d love to guide and support you. Let me offer you a complimentary Sexual Communion Gateway session to take the first step. Click the link to find out more and to book your appointment.

In love and light,
Satya

Deep Healing

I had a dream recently that moved me a lot when I remembered it upon awakening. In it, I encountered a young boy, about 8 years old. Somehow I knew that he was a younger version of one of my clients. I’ve done a few sessions with him and his wife, teaching them some techniques of sacred sexuality. He mentioned that he was abused as a child, but we haven’t gotten into that deep work as of yet.

In the dream, he was skinny, naked and vulnerable. I came up to him and gave him a hug. I told him that I would help him heal his wounds. I felt a confidence that I could help him, and a deep love and compassion for him.

There have been so many people like this over the 30 years I have been seeing clients. Those with major wounding, who need support in becoming whole. It’s one of my gifts, that I can help people do that deep work, to remember that they are safe, they are worthy, and they are beautiful.

In this time of winter closing in and darkness increasing, it’s a wonderful time to go within, to do the work that you may have been putting off. I like the dark time. It’s really good for introspection and stillness, for looking deeply within.

Is now the time for you? If so, I would be honored to support you. My schedule is getting pretty full, but I do have room for one or two more clients. If this calls to you, then I invite you to do a free Discovery Session with me by telephone. Click the link in the comments to make your appointment.

My love to you!