Satya Lila

When the Magic Doesn’t Work

Generally, the connection between my beloved partner John and me flows easily and smoothly. I feel gratitude for the work that we’ve both done to be able to get to this place. But that doesn’t mean it always is easy.

Just a little while ago, we were in one of our regular connection ceremonies. These are times that we dedicate towards intimacy, in whatever form it takes. We set aside time at least once a week to have deep connection with each other.

We were in a magical moment. He was slowly sliding the waistband of my leggings down over my hip, as I lay on my side, and kissing the bare skin exposed next to the clothing. I was rapt in my attention to the boundary between the two states – clothed and naked. The place that he was kissing had all my attention.

Then there was a glitch. I rolled over to give him my other hip, and I didn’t communicate clearly. I said, “Take my leggings down,” while still wanting more of what he was doing, but he got the message to just slide them down quickly. I fell off the flow of energy that I was following.

There was a time when that moment would have made everything grind to a crashing halt. I would have gotten closed down, trying to grasp onto what was happening before and recreate it, feeling like I should be still turned on and available. And I can tell you from experience, feeling like that is not an aphrodisiac! And John might have felt confused and criticized.

But we didn’t go there. I just explained what happened, without any judgement towards him, or any charge that it had happened. It was just an event, not good, not bad. He heard it with no defensiveness, and understood what happened. Then we just went back into the flow, being with what was there authentically in that moment.

We had a lovely, powerful, sweet connection. And we learned a bit more about each other in the process.

We were able to do this because of the trust we’ve built. Years of kind communication, without blaming or shaming, has created a foundation that allows for easy recovery from the little glitches that inevitably happen in a relationship.

Yes, it can be easy! You can create this for yourself, even if you haven’t been this way all along. You can make a new beginning, and have a relationship that flows with fun.

Loving Only One

When I was learning about sacred sexuality, in Marin County, California in the 90’s, the community there was very polyamorous. The workshops encouraged moving from partner to partner, experimenting with what gifts different people had to offer you. There was a lot of freedom there, and also a lot of relationship drama — side attractions, jealousy, hurt feelings, feelings of restriction and rebellion. I’m not sorry I went through that phase, because I learned a lot about myself. However, I feel very differently about this now.

I’ve been monogamous for thirteen years now, first with my late partner Daniel Freespirit, and after his death, with my current partner John Thompson. It is so refreshing to devote myself to only one. All that relationship drama is gone. It’s just a steady, focused love that energizes and supports each of us. It makes my heart sing! And it frees me to focus upon other things in my life, rather than be preoccupied with the drama in my relationship.

There is a precious book by Lorin Roche called The Radiance Sutras. It is a contemporary translation of an ancient text called the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra. Here is a quote from Sutra #39:

Cast aside the ten thousand things,
And love only one.
Don’t go onto another.

It’s a path, not the only one. It works for me.

I don’t say it’s for everyone. That’s for you to decide for yourself.

I want to honor the sacred bond that a couple has. That’s why I’ve shifted the way I teach groups from how I taught in the past. I’m in the middle of a couple’s group now, and the emphasis is all on the connection between each couple. No extraneous input, just what’s there between the two. I think it serves.

Dropping Sexual Shame

Here’s another story of transformation.

A couple came to work with me. They were basically ok with each other, but their sexual relationship had gotten neglected because of parenting and lots of responsibilities. They wanted to reconnect and bring back the spark in their relationship.

As we worked during a day together in the circle, the woman became aware of how much shame she was carrying about sexuality and her body. She noticed that it was hindering her spontaneous expression with her partner.

We focused upon that for a while, working with her inner child and the messages she had received about sexuality as a child. We did some reprogramming of those attitudes, and then moved on to other things.

There was a shift! With just that little bit of focus, she dropped her shame. I still remember the beautiful moment when she stood up, naked and gorgeous and proud of her body and her sexual energy. Her partner gazed at her with awe, appreciating her beauty.

It was a little bit of focus, but there was a lot that led up to that. We were deep into the day already. She had been getting more and more relaxed and open all the time. When someone is open and ready, it doesn’t take much to make the shift happen.

The season for outdoor retreats is fast approaching! Summer and fall are the times that my medicine circle is available. It is a wonderful place to be held in your transformation. Lots of healing has happened there, and the energy is strong.

I have just seven openings left between June and October. If you are interested in exploring whether a retreat is right for you, then click here to book a free Discovery Session with me.

I look forward to supporting you in your transformation!

The Deep Dive

One of my favorite ways to work is the deep dive retreat. So much can happen at such a fundamental level! Transformation is very likely, if you have a focused and extended time devoted to it. Here is a story of one person’s experience with me here on my land.

She came to me feeling battered and abused. Her close relative had dumped a lot of judgement and disapproval on her. (Details are omitted to preserve privacy.) The result of this was that she was feeling shaky in her self-esteem. She was wondering if the judgmental things her relative said were true.

We spent a day together in my temple. She talked and talked, first about the relative who had judged her, then about the dynamics as a child in her family. I mostly just listened closely. I offered reflections from time to time. And I gave her a steady stream of loving attention. This day went on for nine hours! We stayed with it until she was done.

The next morning, she was a different person. She was light and easy-flowing. She had a solid sense of who she was and the value that she has. She had changed her perspective about what her relative had said, and made a decision to not subject herself to that person again.

I had an opportunity to speak with her about a year later. She said that the changes she experience had lasted, that she still felt a lot more solid in her sense of herself as a good person.

Focused loving attention is a powerful healing tool!

I have just seven openings left between June and October. If you are interested in exploring whether a retreat is right for you, then click here to book a free Discovery Session with me.

I look forward to supporting you in your transformation!

The Circle is Emerging Soon

I was able to get down to the medicine circle yesterday! The snow is melting rapidly, and soon it will be revealed again!

John and I walked over big patches of snow to get there. The circle itself is still covered, but we went onto the top of the snow and did a little wakeup ceremony for the circle. We anchored a line of light in the center, and asked that it be available for the people who can benefit the most from being in it.

The energy of the circle is so strong now, after three years of use. A lovely powerful column of light was instantly there. It was so good to feel it again!

It’s an energy that supports deep healing and transformation.

If you’re interested in learning more about a retreat, click here.

I’m beginning to open up my schedule for the summer and fall. I will begin these outdoor retreats in June, and there are a limited number of times available. Until May 1, I’m offering a 20% discount for pre-booking. If you know you want to do this, now is the time to save! Contact me for an interview to make sure we are a good fit.

If this is right for you, I look forward to supporting you in the next step in your growth and transformation!

Dreaming of Summer Retreats

This little shrine sits at the beginning of a trail down to the medicine circle on my lovely land in the Sierras, which we call Serenity. A few weeks ago, you couldn’t see any of it! It was covered in snow. Now, spring is here, the snow is melting, and things are emerging from their underground winter existence.

I’m emerging, too. As the spring arrives, my thoughts are turning to that medicine circle. So many wonderful journeys have happened there. Long summer days, surrounded by manzanita, shaded by oaks. And, later in the summer, the shade sails. Since we’re at 5000’ elevation, it’s usually not too hot. It’s quiet, except for birdsong. It’s private and secluded. And there is big magic there — a place that was created for healing and transformation, where lots of that has happened now.

I’m dreaming of a time, not too long from now, when I can go there again. Where I can hold the container for a person or couple to dive into deep waters, to do some major shifting. It’s the best!

A retreat is a beautiful way to do a big work. When you have a lot of time, it often goes in waves. There is a big opening, then an integration, then more opening, more integration. You can dive deep and get a lot done.

If you’re interested in learning more about a retreat, click here.

If this is right for you, I look forward to supporting you in the next step in your growth and transformation!

What’s the Truth?

I was taking a walk in silence with my partner John the other day, and I noticed how my mind was really busy. I was being very judgmental with myself, criticizing myself for not doing things right, for not being perfect. Reminding myself of all the ways I am a failure.

I mentioned this to him, and he said, “Oh, I can relate! I do that too.” I think we all can. We are often our own harshest critics.

I grabbed his elbow and pulled him around to face me. “Let’s tell each other the truth about each other.”

I began. “You are kind and loving. You are wise and growing wiser. You are handsome and fun to be with. You are a wonderful lover.”

Then he told me, “You are beautiful. You radiate love to everyone you meet. You are deliciously sexy. You are enough.”

At that, I began weeping. It touched a core issue in me — never being enough. I have worked with it extensively over the years, but it is still there. The tears (and not very many) cleansed it once again.

This is part of how we can help each other heal, offering reflections that counter our beloved’s negative self-talk. It opens the mind to considering a different possibility.

And I believe that the truth about you, about anyone, is that you are worthy of love!

Ecstatic Flow

It’s a sublime experience to be with a beloved so intimately that your bodies move all on their own. It’s a wisdom beyond the mind, where your bodies are so tuned into the energy flows of the universe that they move together of their own volition.

This is a video of my partner John and me moving together in the water. There is a particular freedom of movement in the water that we both adore. Many, many hours of practice have gone into this for us.

The same movements can be translated to land, either on a dance floor or in lovemaking. The more attuned your bodies are to each other, the more beautiful is the dance of love!

We will be giving you a start to this ecstatic practice in our upcoming couple’s group, Luscious Loving. We won’t be in the water, but the principles are the same.

Join us for a free intro evening March 20 (next Monday!) Group begins March 27. Click this link to register or for more info.

May you flow together with your beloved with ease!

A Little Help From My Friends

Luscious Loving is getting a little help from my friends!

I’m excited to announce that my upcoming couple’s group is going to be deeply enriched by two of my favorite people in the world.

My beloved partner, John Thompson, will be joining me each session to assist with teaching about the ins and outs (pun intended!) of Luscious Loving. He will help me with demos and add his wisdom and the male perspective. Over the last nine years, the two of us have been in a deep dive into the exploration of what makes loving luscious. It’s really been a joint discovery of delight, and he has been an integral part of the illumination of the principles of Luscious Loving. I’m ecstatic that he will be chiming in with the wisdom he has accumulated.

And my former teaching partner, current land partner and dear friend Kevin Braheny Fortune will be making a special guest appearance for one of the evenings. He will be bringing his considerable wisdom to the topic of healing within a relationship. Kevin and I taught together for many years in the SF Bay Area, and I deeply respect the loving presence he brings to his teachings.

We will be blessed by both of them!

It’s coming up soon! Click here for more info.

Join us for a free intro evening on March 20, 2023. Group begins March 27!

Luscious Loving

What Does It Take?

What does it take to have luscious loving?

There are several different qualities that are necessary for a relationship to blossom. If any of them are missing, there’s a piece missing from the relationship. It’s not as well-rounded and complete.

Connection and intimacy are crucial to a sweet relationship. When connection is there, everything else flows more smoothly. But sometimes there are obstacles to connection, like the distractions and obligations of a busy life. Luckily, there are simple yet profound practices that allow you to drop into connection quickly and easily.

Sometimes the barrier to connection is deeper. We all carry some wounding around intimacy and sexuality, if nothing else as a result of growing up in a sex-negative culture that layers this beautiful energy with guilt and shame. Additionally, many people have experienced some form of abuse that has left its mark. Therefore, healing is often a necessary part of a relationship, to clear the way to let someone in.

Body rapport is a fun quality to cultivate — the knowledge of your partner’s body, whether it be through dancing, playing, massage or making love. When each partner knows the other’s body, an unconscious trust develops that is centered in the body.

Passion is easy at first, but often it wanes as a couple is together longer. It’s easy to get into routine and let the passion grow flat. Or sometimes it’s a matter of learning the art of pleasuring — how to touch so your partner quivers in delight!

Spaciousness is somewhat counter-intuitive, but very important. It creates the opportunity to be your authentic self. The more you are yourself, the more interesting you become to your beloved. And the more space you give your beloved, the more fascinating they become to you.

When all these qualities are in place, it makes a platform where you can not only enjoy a wildly satisfying loving relationship, but you can use your sexual energy for energizing things that you want to manifest in the world, or for a magnificent spiritual awakening, or just to enjoy life!

My upcoming couple’s group, Luscious Loving, will be a place to dive into each of these qualities. In the comfort of your own home, you will get to explore and experience in each of these areas.

Click here for more info.

Join me, assisted by my beloved partner John Thompson, for a free intro evening on March 20, 2023. Group begins March 27!

You can have Luscious Loving!