When I was learning about sacred sexuality, in Marin County, California in the 90’s, the community there was very polyamorous. The workshops encouraged moving from partner to partner, experimenting with what gifts different people had to offer you. There was a lot of freedom there, and also a lot of relationship drama — side attractions, jealousy, hurt feelings, feelings of restriction and rebellion. I’m not sorry I went through that phase, because I learned a lot about myself. However, I feel very differently about this now.
I’ve been monogamous for thirteen years now, first with my late partner Daniel Freespirit, and after his death, with my current partner John Thompson. It is so refreshing to devote myself to only one. All that relationship drama is gone. It’s just a steady, focused love that energizes and supports each of us. It makes my heart sing! And it frees me to focus upon other things in my life, rather than be preoccupied with the drama in my relationship.
There is a precious book by Lorin Roche called The Radiance Sutras. It is a contemporary translation of an ancient text called the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra. Here is a quote from Sutra #39:
Cast aside the ten thousand things,
And love only one.
Don’t go onto another.
It’s a path, not the only one. It works for me.
I don’t say it’s for everyone. That’s for you to decide for yourself.
I want to honor the sacred bond that a couple has. That’s why I’ve shifted the way I teach groups from how I taught in the past. I’m in the middle of a couple’s group now, and the emphasis is all on the connection between each couple. No extraneous input, just what’s there between the two. I think it serves.
Satya Lila 