“I always have to steal my kisses from you.”
This was a line in a pop song I was exposed to frequently a few years ago. I always wished I could have a conversation with the person who wrote the song. I could share a few things that might have helped them.
First, it might be that stealing kisses is the reason that they have to steal kisses. That may sound paradoxical, but bear with me. Stealing kisses is a boundary violation. If someone receives violations of their boundaries over and over, the natural response is to set up more and more protection. So violating someone’s boundary is actually working against your interests of having more intimacy.
There’s another clue in the line. The singer calls them MY kisses. That implies that they are self-serving kisses. They are not kisses that are meant to give energy to their partner. They are meant to take energy from them.
This line popped up in my mind the other day as I was kissing my beloved partner John. I was noticing the vast difference between the situation described in the song and the situation I was in at the moment. I was freely giving kisses with joy and love. There was so much energy in those kisses that it lit him up. He was beaming when we stopped.
A shift in orientation from stealing to giving can bring tremendous rewards. You may receive far more than you could ever steal.
Of course, this shift may not happen overnight. If you have set up a pattern it takes time for it to change. But it’s a good opportunity to watch yourself and notice if you have addictive behavior. Self-knowledge is the first step towards liberation.
So how about a different line? “I always get to give my kisses to YOU.”